Truly and Completely Done

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CS and I have talked several times about having another child. We talked again last night. And we both feel for a multitude of reasons that we are done.   Just for fun, here’s the highlights of our list:

Cons:

  1. Sun.  We have a daughter that we give a good amount of attention to.  CS and I have arranged it such that we work from home a bit during the week and with the help of SoMo, Sun does not need to attend daycare.  If we have another, the time we have for Sun will be cut short.  In fact, if we have another, we will HAVE to put both in daycare or have one of us quit our job (and neither of us wants to do that).  And if we have two in daycare, then school, at the same time, we fold into…
  2. Money.  The cost is not to be overlooked.  CS and I are comfortable with what we make.  We aren’t rich by any stretch.  But we make enough that we can continue to be comfortable and give to Sun the things we feel are important (like a respectable, though certainly incomplete, college fund).
  3. Time.  The other option to money not being an issue is CS and I working our butts off.  Right now, I LOVE working a lighter load.  And CS loves the freedom his job offers.  If we have another child and need more money, it will come from one place only: our efforts.  And if we need to work more to have more money, then we will have less time to spend with the children.
  4. Happiness is.  CS and I are happy with our family just as it is.  We LOVE it being the three of us.  We feel it is a perfect fit.  We aren’t stretched too tight and balance each other out with Sun when one is down for the count.  We can travel easily with one child and do countless other things we love with one child that with two would be too burdensome or unpleasant.

Pros:

  1. Sun needs a sibling.  CS and I both have siblings.  My siblings kept me sane as I went from a child to an adult.  They will also assist with my parents as they age and need care.  I hate denying Sun the relationship of a sibling.  (But who is to say the siblings will even get along?  So this is a sticky wicket pro).
  2. What if Sun is a dud?  This may sound harsh but hear me out.  What if Sun turns out to be a complete flake and disappoints me to the point where I want to wring her neck?  Then I will wish I had another child.  You still doubt me?  Just yesterday I met with a couple seeking advise about their estate planning.  These are good people with good values.  They have two children.  Turns out the daughter is a dud.  I cannot go into detail, but the daughter did unthinkably selfish things with respect to her parents.  So unthinkable they are considering cutting her out of their wills.  And in my opinion, rightly so.  What do CS and I do if this is Sun? Give my estate (hahaha) to charity?  To her cousins?  Wouldn’t we wish we’d had another child to then leave a legacy to (and I really don’t mean money as much as the sense of the continuation of our family).
  3. Regret.  This is the real kicker.  The first two “pros” are really hypothetical.  We cannot have another child so that Sun can have a sibling (it isn’t a puppy, for crying out loud) nor because Sun may be a dud (what if Sun is a rockstar and the second child is a dud? Oy.)  But what if in a decade or two CS and I regret not having another child?  This is the one that stumped me.  I really needed to dig deep to see what it is I’d regret.  After much soul searching, I fully realize that my life is, happily, full.  Will it be more full with another baby?  Maybe.  But why go back to the buffet when I have a full plate to begin with?

This isn’t quite the complete list, but it is enough to see that I am happy with things the way they are.  And it is enough to see that the reasons I have for wanting another child are not good enough to have a baby.  When we wanted Sun, there was a complete other list.  A list that had the right reasons for wanting a baby and legitimate concerns about having one.  But now?  Things are different.  Happily different.  And so I am putting to rest this issue of another child.  I have my family.  We are truly and completely whole.  And done.

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